For far too long I’ve treated my blogs as precious pieces of my soul and an expression of myself. I’ve been worrying too much about how I come across for the reader, what will people think of me when the read my blog. I’ve been choosing my words and topics carefully, developed texts, formatted them, added images to fit the design, and… never switched posts from
published. And as time went by, topics fall off, my interests shift, and as a result, nothing comes of it.
I don’t want it to be the case any longer. I want to freely and spontaneously post stuff I care about at the moment for whatever reason. I want to just post, not thinking twice if the post shows me in a non-ideal light. To hell with this instagram reality, let’s get real!
Yesterday was the last day of my contract at Microsoft. It was certainly a journey. I struggled with a lot of stuff, learned a ton, delivered a product, and left, turning off the lights of my office-for-the-day (one of my manager’s offices, really; asa contractor, I didn’t have a workspace and had to work from home most of the time.)
I enjoyed most of it. The part where I had to work from home and didn’t have a workspace sucked, though. As well as a vendor issued laptop, an ancient Lenovo from 2013. I hated working alone: I was the only person working on the project, and it was tough. But I managed to meet a bunch of really cool people, learned new tech, boosted my self-confidence as a programmer, and now I have an application, that helps Microsoft managers in their day-to-day work, running in the cloud, powering a tiny aspect of a trillion dollar company.
I’ve been stressing immensely over my code, if it’s good enough, if I’m doing things the right way. So first order of business is to decompress for a bit. I’m going to brush up my resume, of course, and apply regularly, but at this moment in time, I consider decompression to be my first priority. I will play games, I have a fun project with my son, which he’s very excited about (we’re building a PC for him for his birthday), I will read, go for walks, listen to the backlog of ”Darknet Diaries”, my favorite show. I’ll watch football (go Seahawks!), and take unnecessary drives around town, stopping in tiny cafes for a shot of espresso and a scone. I’ll poke around my home server, tinker with my side projects, and I’ll octoberfest the hell out of Github.
This plan makes me anxious. Never before in my life had I prioritized my mental health over just get shit done mindset and its impact on my overall mental state. I’ve made some steps already, and it’s been harder than I thought, but more rewarding then I expected. I don’t think it’s going to be easy, but I’m sure I’ll manage to pull through :)